On the Road, Again! Prayer Brings About Change.

Prayer brings about change

As-salaam Alaikum! Praise be to Allah!

In January I wrote about making a wrong turn with a non-muslim man. In that article I mentioned that I'd gotten fed up with my husband's gambling and filed for divorce. Well, we've spent some time a part. During this time, he's had plenty of time to think about what he really wants out of life, and I have had plenty of time to think about forgiveness and moving forward in a positive direction.

　

Since the divorce was not going through quickly, I have spent time in prayer and focusing in on where I needed to improve instead of focusing in on what he had done. During this process I learned that I am not a very good listener, when it comes to my husband trying to express himself. I have the habit of being so wrapped up in my own feelings that I can't allow anyone elses feelings to be uncovered. No, I am not taking the blame for any thing that he made the decision to do or not do, but I am just discovering my own short comings. Boy, I am not so perfect after all. I think my childhood has a lot to do with my need for control. This need for control is not something that is always good, when a man is trying to be in his rightful place as a leader. He didn't need me second guessing everything or every decision that he made. He needed my ideas, but the final decisions were for him to make.

I must remember that he did take the Shahada. I must respect that.

At the beginning of March, after not taking his numerous calls, I answered. It was a man with a voice I barely knew. He sound strong, revived, and direct. He was very clear about not wanting to give up on our marriage; that he'd been praying. Most suprising, he was willing to go to counselling for his gambling habit. I was for the first time, speechless.

To make a long story short, we are getting help in solving our problems from both Allah and a trained therapist. As part of that therapy, I will be joining my husband on the road. Oh, he is a big truck driver. So, we will be riding cross country, praying, and discovering new and better things about each other.

Yes, I had the divorce was dismissed! (smile)

Allahu Akbar!

Getting to the REAL!

Assalaam Alaikum!


In life there are many transitions that each of us must make to get to "what is."
The world is so full of things that clouds us from who we really are and who we could some day evolve into.

For many years I was lost in this world. I felt like a fish out of water. All the time , in this struggle to breathe, I discovered that sometimes those closest to you can be your worst enemies. This discovery revealed envy, jealousy, hatred, and coveting .  What a harshness to deal with and to face.

Once one realizes that life, as you thought it to be, is really only an illusion,  it is then time to wake up to the REAL. It is never to late to discover your purpose or who or what you should be. Getting to the REAL is what you must do.

Yes, we all have been under some sort of illusion at some point in our lives, but it does not mean that we have to stay under the dark cloud of this illusion. We must look deep, question, peel away the layers of the false things that have been forced upon us. These things may have been made to seem as though they were to help, but later is found to be something to destroy. Yes, it was meant to make you cry, it was meant to make you feel less that okay, it was meant to stifle your progress, but I am here to tell you that all of it was to keep you from getting to the REAL. The REAL of your purpose, the REAL of your destiny, the REAL of your success, the REAL of you having true love, and the REAL of you being happy.

So, in short,  it is time to look at everyone, every negative situation, every aspect of your being and figure out how to break through the illusion that may be hindering, stifling, depressing your life. Once you have pin pointed the illusion, KNOCK IT DOWN! Get to the bottom of it and find the REAL for you.

A scream in the darkness........................................................

As-salaam Alaikum!

Been awhile. I know. I have just been studying the world around me.

When you SHUT UP, LISTEN, and WATCH for just a moment, it is remarkable what one will discover.

I have learned so much from watching children. I have learned so much from adults that are still trapped in childhood.

Some children are growing up in evil times. Those children sometimes find their way out of the madness and some don't.

Below I write of a child who never escaped the evilness of this world.

She says:   "I was just a little girl who they said didn't understand. But, I know what I saw out of that
                    window pane.

                    Grandaddy was digging with sweat dripping down. I could hear the sound of the crunch
                    of the gravel on the ground. And then I saw him put a man in the hole, I saw him put
                    him in the ground. He put that man way way down.

                    Please, let my eyes deceive me. Oh, God, let my eyes deceive me.

                    When I close my eyes to sleep at night, monsters tumble in my head. I cry out in the
                     darkness and run from my bed.

                     I keep remembering that day, he put that man in the ground. It makes my head ache,
                     my chest pound.   I cry in my head to let my eyes deceive me!

                    I was just a little girl who was told that I didn't understand about the digging, the gravel,
                   the hole, and that man. I have tried to block it from my mind. I was never allowed to  feel.

                    I was just a little girl that day. My life changed in a dark dark kinda way. Still, I scream
                    inside of my head "I saw him put that man in the ground!"

                    Oh, let my eyes deceive me!"

 How many children out there must live this life because of the evil that is created in this world? Somewhere along this journey called life, the heartache and the evil must end!